Lightening the Darkness of my Own Creation

The love I have known is not kind.

Instead of comfort and support,

it brought pain and anxiety.

The lies and the manipulations

only ever trapped me in darkness.

 

Blinded by self-deprecation

living in the darkness,

but somehow convincing myself that it’s light.

Forgotten by the world that

I forgot about as well.

 

Years passed and yet

I let this love wash over and drown me.

The pain and anxiety never felt

quite like the feeling of comfort and support,

but it somehow didn’t mind.

 

It was lost in

an unreal reality of my own fabrication,

a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.

I was lost inside of myself

and I couldn’t find my way out.

 

When the light slowly glimmered ahead of my very eyes,

it should have been oh so joyous,

but it seemed too good to ever be true.

Seeing it begin to burn brighter was much easier

than believing it could be burning for me.

 

The moments were too fast

when I was enveloped by that

warm, inviting light.

The time without that feeling

passed so slowly that the air couldn’t fill my lungs.

 

I wished so much for that light

to pull me from my darkness.

But I began to believe that

I could never be so lucky

as to have that light for my own.

 

Until that unbelievable night.

The world passing us by through the window,

your singing to the quiet radio.

The light shone so bright that I almost couldn’t see,

but there’s no way I could be so blind as to not see

the stunning beauty in front of me.

 

All I could think was that I was going to leave

and that beautiful light was not going to come with me.

I didn’t know how I was supposed to walk away from that,

how to sick back into my familiar darkness,

without even seeing what that light could truly become.

 

In that exact moment,

I know that you know which moment,

it was like a candle had been lit.

That flame never wavered,

even as I made the journey that would take me so far from you.

 

As my world around me slowly

emerged from the darkness,

your light only became brighter.

If only you could stay the brightest star in my life,

it would be more than I ever dared to dream for.

 

I’ve found a happiness in this life

even through the darkness that I lived in

and that which admittedly still haunts the fringes of my vision.

I have you to thank for that, my love.

because you’ve brought such joy to my life.

 

Further than that, you’ve helped me

to find happiness and light on my own.

This confidence and self-acceptance is new

and I can’t even begin to thank you for that,

or for how you believe in me.

 

When my thoughts turn to you,

it’s as if the colors, the pictures,

the sounds, the smells,

the feelings, every little thing that makes this life;

The volume is turned up higher than ever before.

 

We can’t see the future,

that much is for sure and is a little intimidating.

All I can speak for is for this one moment in time.

This moment is one of the greatest moments

because I have this moment with you.

 

For this one moment in time,

for our small eternity, my love,

I need you to hear me when I say this to you:

Having you in my life has been more than I could’ve hoped for,

and this new love is the kindest I’ve ever known.

 

Happy birthday, beautiful! I hope you have had a wonderful day. I can’t wait to see you and hold you again. I love you, darling.

Today’s song is an oldie, but I feel like it really shows how I feel.

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